Parental Burn-Out Is A Thing
“My mommy shift does not start until I finish my coffee cup and reading this chapter. Go back to your room and I will let you know when I am ready for you.”
“You don’t have to take a nap if you don’t want to, but you need to have quiet time so I can take a little break.”
Yeah, I was that mom. I said those words to my children when they were little, in various permutations.
Yeah I was harsh.
I hesitated to share this, because it does make me look like a mean parent. To allay concerns, I want to publicly state that my children were not scarred for life. They are both happy, well-adjusted, successful, young adults and I have a great relationship with both of them.
I am a supreme introvert that recharges by being alone. Identifying this aspect of myself and carving out time to take a break to recharge has been essential for me to be the best parent to my children. I did this when they were younger, but old enough to understand. They were in a safe, child-proofed room with water and access to a bathroom.
“Put on your oxygen mask first. Before helping others, you should secure your own mask.”
Why does the flight attendant tell us this, every single time before we fly?
Because if you run out of oxygen, you will not be able to help anyone else in an emergency. This strategy applies to parenting as well.
The post-pandemic era has opened discussion of burn-out in some of the most affected industries such as health care and education. I often speak (and write!) about burn out in the context of corporate medicine’s detrimental impact on physician well-being and patient care.
But the concept of burn-out is not limited to the workforce. As a pediatrician who is also an expert for complex mental and behavioral health patients, I see first hand the effect of a child’s diagnosis on parents. Parental burn occurs when chronic stress and exhaustion threaten a parent’s ability to cope and function.
While I did not have the language for what I was doing at that time, I know understand that setting boundaries in parenting was my way to prevent parental burn-out.
In May 2022, The Ohio State University published a paper titled: Pandemic Parenting: Examining the Epidemic of Working Parental Burnout and Strategies to Help. The authors develop a survey that contained a valid and reliable tool to assess and quantify working parent burnout and the conditions that seemed to exacerbate it.
We are now almost three years from peak pandemic era, and I see parental burn out now more than ever. While the Ohio study focused on parents that work outside the home, parental burn out affects all parents, whether they work outside the home or not.
All parents are working parents. Parenting is work.
And its hard, challenging, emotionally labored work. It’s also joyful, rewarding, validating, and fulfilling. One thing parenting is not: It is not easy.
These were some of the findings reported by the Ohio study:
Sixty-six percent (66%) of parents reported being burned out.
Being female, the number of children living in the home, anxiety in the parent, having child(ren) with the diagnosis of either anxiety or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and parental concern that their child(ren) may have an undiagnosed mental health disorder were strongly associated with parental burnout.
Burnout was strongly associated with depression, anxiety and increased alcohol consumption in parents, as well as the likelihood for parents to engage in punitive parenting practices.
Parental burnout is associated with children’s internalizing, externalizing and attention behaviors.
I have also found that parental burn out increases during the holidays. The term “Holiday Magic” sends me into a rabid rage. The “Holiday Magic” is not magic: It is the direct result of a parent (yes, usually the mother) working tirelessly behind the scenes to make the “magic” happen.
There are no elves. Just moms.
All moms of course do this out of love. No mom I know has ever regretted everything they do for their children. What I have found is that mothers, especially stay at home mothers, do not burn out due to the work involved, they burn out because they are not valued for their work.
So now what? I don’t want this article to bum you out.
Like with most conditions, awareness is the first step to identify, treat, and prevent parental burnout.
Culver Pediatrics Center is hosting a mini-retreat designed to prevent parental burn-out for parents/caregivers of neurodivergent children.
At Culver Pediatrics Center we aim to transform children’s mind, body, spirit health by educating and empowering families, communities and schools in holistic nutritional wellness because. We believe healthy children start with healthy adults in their lives. We take a Veggies Over Pills approach for our comprehensive pediatric services, combining science-based medicine with holistic principles. Schedule a consultation to start your children’s wellness journey with us.
Do you already have a great pediatrician for your children, but would like to transform your own mind, body, spirit health for the benefit of those you love most? Our Holistic Wellness Program For Women is right for you.
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