Parenting Tip: Steps For A Time-IN

Beyond the Time OUT....

Put your oxygen mask on first......

For Children Over 3 Years Old engaged in a tantrum or emotional distress, a time-in can help them self sooth and teaches them to self regulate their emotions with empathy:

1) Turn Off your own alarm: Get your emotions in check. Take a deep breathe, calm yourself down before you speak.

2) Empathize: Acknowledge and validate your child's emotions and feelings. "Oh no! Looks like you had a rough day."; "I can see you are so angry." Do not tell them or force them to "calm down." If they knew how to calm down, they would be doing that.

3) Pause: Instead of firing questions at them while they are in mid-meltdown, give them some space. Shift your focus on another child or task. "I am going to wash dishes/change your sibling's shoes/read a book...until you feel you are ready to talk to me. Take your time. There is no rush."

4) Offer support: Once they seem ready to talk, offer them a hug or cuddle while they tell you what the issue is or what triggered them or upset them.

5) Set limits: "It is OK to be angry/have big feelings, but it is not OK to call me (or anyone in the family) names. (or yell at us or hit us or say hurtful words)"

6) Distract them: If they are still emotional, instead of telling them they have to do their homework or set the table that moment, give them the flexibility to do something else. Maybe they can play with the family dog, go for a bike ride, or a walk or read a book. Avoid electronics as a means of distraction or self soothing.

7) Problem Solve: "I know you had a rough day ( or you got angry because your friends were mean to you or your siblings took your toy etc...), but can you think of a different way to unload those big feelings without saying hurtful words (or hitting or yelling etc).

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