Supporting Your LGBTQ+ Teen Can Save Their Life
This article was published in the December edition of The Culver Citizen.
As a pediatrician, I have had the privilege of being the first person to whom gay teens come out. I help them navigate their journey as they share this deeply personal revelation with their family. A parent’s response to their child in these moments can shape the teen's mental health, self-esteem, and sense of belonging.
This is especially important because LGBTQ+ kids are at higher risk for suicide. According to a Trevor Project 2023 survey, 18% of LGBT youth have attempted suicide, a rate 2 times higher than teenaged general population. It is important to note that LGBTQ+ youths are not inherently prone to suicide risk because of their sexual orientation or gender identity but rather because of how they are mistreated and stigmatized in society. Studies show that LGBTQ+ youths with supportive families, communities, and schools reported lower rates of attempting suicide.
It's crucial that parents approach this conversation with love, openness, and non-judgment, creating an environment where their teen feels safe, accepted, and valued for who they truly are. Here are some key strategies I recommend for parents to ensure their child feels supported when they come out to them.
Stay Calm and Present
The initial reaction to hearing that your teen is gay may vary, and it's okay to feel surprised or even confused. However, it is essential to remain calm. Take a deep breathe. Let your child lead the conversation, and resist the urge to immediately offer advice or judgment. LISTEN.
Acknowledge and Affirm Their Courage
Coming out is a brave act, especially in less affirming environments, and it’s essential to recognize this. Reassure your teen that you appreciate their honesty and trust in you. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”
Avoid Making It About You
While parents may have their own feelings to process, it's important to prioritize the teen’s experience and emotions in that moment. LISTEN.
Reaffirm Your Unconditional Love
“I love you so much”. Avoid adding qualifiers such as “no matter what” which may signal to the teen that you are ashamed of their revelation but willing to tolerate it. Teens may fear rejection or a loss of love when they come out. Your child needs to hear that their sexual orientation does not change how you feel about them.
Avoid Overloading Them with Questions
Don’t’ overwhelm them. This is a time to LISTEN.
Educate Yourself and Be Prepared to Learn
While many parents today are more aware of LGBTQ+ issues, there is always room to grow. If you're not familiar with terms or experiences related to being gay or LGBTQ+, take the time to educate yourself. Websites like The Trevor Project, Planned Parenthood, and Dr. Lulu’s Coaching and Consulting Lounge are informative and helpful.
Don’t Pressure Them for Details About Their Sexuality
While it’s tempting to ask your teen about their dating life or relationships, be mindful that this might be too personal or premature. Some teens may not have explored their sexuality in a way that they can articulate, and others may not feel ready to discuss it. Respect their privacy. LISTEN.
Be Prepared for Challenges
Coming out can be an emotional experience, and your child may face challenges, such as bullying, exclusion, or discrimination within your family, at their school, and in your community. While you can’t protect them from all the hardships they may face, you can be their safe haven.
Support Their Evolving Journey
Your teen’s identity may continue to evolve over time. They might discover new facets of themselves as they mature, and their understanding of their sexuality may shift. The key is to remain supportive, patient, and flexible.
As a pediatrician, I see firsthand how important it is for teens to feel loved, validated, and respected as they navigate their identities. A parent’s response can set the stage for a lifetime of trust, connection, and emotional well-being. And I will state again the importance of LISTENING instead of talking when your teen comes out to you.
Parenting is challenging.
At Culver Pediatrics Center, we host retreats that promote parental wellness. Visit https://www.culverpediatrics.com/events for more information.
At Culver Pediatrics Center, we host community events that can help prevent parental burn out. Visit https://www.culverpediatrics.com/events for more information.
At Culver Pediatrics Center we aim to transform children’s mind, body, spirit health by educating and empowering families, communities and schools in holistic nutritional wellness because. We believe healthy children start with healthy adults in their lives. We take a Veggies Over Pills approach for our comprehensive pediatric services, combining science-based medicine with holistic principles. Schedule a consultation to start your children’s wellness journey with us.
Do you already have a great pediatrician for your children, but would like to transform your own mind, body, spirit health for the benefit of those you love most? Our Nurse Led Wellness Program is right for you.
We aim to be the best pediatric practice in Marshall County, Lake Maxinkuckee area, and the state of Indiana. If your child is not yet part of the Culver Pediatrics Center family, sign up in the email opt-in below to learn more about our boutique pediatrician services.
